evening

Evening
by: P.D. Pirl

Kris grumbled and rolled to her other side, careful not to wake the sleeping Den beside. If she were to fall asleep now, she would rather she does turned away from Den. She woken up to the sight of Den's face, and what she saw then wasn't the Den now but the Den from before; she remembered all too well the sound of Den's voice then, and the look on her face.

Den didn't want to be the one to tell her that Raine was dead, Kris knew that now and she knew why. Whenever she would be reminded of Raine and her death, with it she would remember Den: Den shattering that silly little delusion of hers that Raine wasn't dead, Den telling her the very thing she did not want to hear. She didn't hate Den, in fact, she was grateful that Den took on that role for her, but...

Kris saw her jacket draped on a chair, the jacket Raine gave her and she's worn ever since. It had been hard to wear it the first few months, but as time passed, Kris slowly grew accustomed to the emotion weight that came with that gift, Raine's gift, so much so that there were times that she didn't feel any burden at all. Yet, that was because no one dared to mention Raine's death, much less her name, around Kris, even she herself didn't speak Raine's name. She felt selfish then and now, for trying to forget and for leaving Jasper. But it was just easier that way, so easy she didn't even know what she was doing, rather, what she wasn't doing.

She needed a change, moreover, she needed to escape from everything and everyone that reminded her of Raine. She thought that she had grown strong enough to leave her home and those dear to her, but right now, she seemed more like a coward than anything. Finding out that Den was here was a surprise, meeting then was a bigger, yet delightful surprise, but it felt like she was being chased by a memory, a past she was running from.

But today she remembered just how heavy the jacket, and the painful memory of Raine, and suddenly, she couldn't bring herself to wear it again, even hold it again. "Raine." Even saying her name was difficult, as though she was being choked to say it, and she refused to yield to it because she was afraid. She was afraid to feel that way again, she was afraid to feel this way again; she didn't want to slip back into that alley, hold a dying Raine in her arms and listen to her talk lightly of things, listen to her laugh- while she haplessly mumbled nonsense, while she sat there helpless.

Kris sighed and sat up, still refusing to look at Den lest she lose to her memories. "Maybe I just need some air," she said, like she was trying to convince herself. Finally deciding that she was being suffocated in her room, she stood up and began to get dressed. Out of habit, she grabbed her jacket but stopped soon after she realized what she was about to do. "It's cold out." With a smile, she gathered the jacked in her arms and left.

The roof was a nice place to go to in the middle of the night, only it was ridiculously cold out, most especially if one was wearing a tank top. But Kris allowed the chilling breeze to wrap around her because it was distracting her, and it would freeze her thoughts and maybe her brain, she hoped. She hummed to herself and leaned on the ledge, her eyes cast down.

"And just what are you doing brooding over there?"

"Eh?" Kris blinked, several times, before deducing that she was hallucinating and finally looked up. There, standing right in front of her was none other than Tamka, with a disinterested, yet pouting expression and an unlit stick of cigarette in her mouth. "Tamka?" she chimed, as though trying to prove to herself that Tamka was, indeed, right here. "What are you doing here?"

"Trying not to be a rape victim," Tamka replied, unable to refrain herself from making a face, which made Kris laugh. "Where's Den?"

"She's in my room, asleep."

Tamka's ears twitched, but she managed to keep a straight face this time. "And why are you not there sleeping with her?" she mumbled, casually taking a place beside Kris. While she waited for an answer, she took a lighter, lit the cigarette, and shoved it back in her pocket. She was expecting Kris to give her a sheepish grin and laugh about the sexual implications in her question, but she didn't even get so much of a whisper in response. Confused, she turned to Kris, and found her once again fixated at the ground. "Oi."

"Hm? Oh, sorry, I zoned out." Kris apologized and smiled weakly.

"I'll bet." Tamka muttered, again waiting for a silly reaction. But it didn't take her long to figure out that Kris was hardly in the mood, nor did she seem to be willing to talk about it. Not that she would to me, anyway, Tamka thought with a shrug. She couldn't just leave, though, not when someone who appeared to be so upbeat and carefree like Kris was sighing wistfully and staring blankly at the ground with a frown. So, she figured a change of subject could be in order, "Aren't you cold?"

Kris laughed. "I'm freezing."

"... so wear your jacket?"

Kris' laughter faded then, as did the bright smile on her face, "I don't want to... I can't." She clutched it to her chest and close her eyes, ignoring her body's protest as she shuddered from the biting cold. "It's too heavy," she whispered, her eyes still closed.

"Oh, 'nads," Tamka muttered, shaking her head and flicking her tail about in exasperation. When she saw Kris shiver again, she rolled her eyes, loosened her tie and began to unbutton her shirt. "You can be angsty and broody," she growled, though it was in a gentle tone, and then she placed her shirt on Kris' shoulders, "but don't you go loony on me right here."

Kris' eyes shot open when she felt the much needed warmth, "Wha-?"

"Don't freak," Tamka said, calm, "I'm not naked."

But just as Tamka said that, Kris turned to look at her, saw her in but a tasteful black bra; of course, she noticed the patch of fur that trailed from her stomach to the middle of breasts, and immediately she imagined Tamka naked. "I wasn't thinking that..." she murmured, hoping the faint blush on her cheeks was not noticeable. Well, I wasn't thinking that, she quipped in her mind, fighting to get the mental picture out of her head. "I was thinking more of... why?"

Tamka took a long drag and exhaled through her mouth, not at all bothered with being nearly half naked in front of Kris. At least, that's how she appeared to be. "Why, what?" she asked, tapping the cigarette on the ledge and putting it back in her mouth.

"You gave me your shirt," Kris said, still confused, "aren't you cold?"

"No, smoking is keeping me pretty warm," Tamka said, though there was a quiver in her voice that indicated that she was cold, "besides, you looked like you were going to turn into a human ice sculpture."

"I can put my jacket on, really," Kris insisted, making a move to take Tamka's shirt from her shoulders, "here, you can have your shirt back."

"Don't," Tamka snarled, glaring at Kris.

"But..."

"I said don't," Tamka sighed, the glower in her gold eyes fading into something Kris couldn't quite identify. Her gaze seemed to soften when she looked at how Kris was holding onto the jacket: desperately, painfully so, like a burden she couldn't handle but couldn't give to anyone else, so she endured it, even if she could, and would, fail. Suddenly, she tossed the still lengthy cigarette and stomped on it; "Here," she spoke softly, gingerly reaching for the jacket, "let me hold that for you."

Kris eyes widened again, even more so when she saw that smile on Tamka's face; that smile, it was so sincere Tamka's eyes seemed to tear up from the severity of it. "Are... you sure?" She didn't want to, though, she didn't want to run away again, or pass the weight to another; but it didn't feel that way, it felt more like Tamka was simply trying to help her, and maybe that's exactly what she was doing.

"Yes," Tamka nodded, "you can take it back when you can carry it again."

With a smile, Kris placed the jacket in Tamka's hands, "Thank you, Tamka."

Tamka gently cradled the jacket and held it to her chest, reveling at the little but significant warmth she got from it. It was Kris' warmth, she just noticed, and she wasn't exactly sure why she smiled at that. "You know," she began, just after a few seconds of silence, "some people go to the roof top to stare at the stars, not the ground."

Kris pulled Tamka's shirt around her- it was considerably smaller, but it was enough to keep her from getting cold. "I didn't really feel like star-gazing, I didn't really feel like looking up."

"Well, do you now?" Tamka asked, "Can you, now?"

"I think so." Kris tilted her head up and cooed in awe, "Ooh, look at that!" She laughed, for the first time since the upbringing of Raine, she actually felt light again. But, this time, she wasn't distracting herself to keep from thinking about Raine and her death; she was being helped by someone, she was being helped by Tamka, even if Tamka didn't know what she was helping her with, or for that matter, just how much it meant to Kris. "Makes you feel small, doesn't it?" she asked, smiling.

"Heh, and alone." Tamka muttered, sounding not just sarcastic, but bitter as well.

"That it does." Kris agreed, hugging Tamka's shirt to her body. "It's strange, too," she droned, "how it gets smaller when you're with someone, and how you feel anything and everything but loneliness; because it's so small that the only people living in it are you and the person you're with, and with that person right there with you, you couldn't possibly be alone." She hung her head again, gazed down again, "and it's strange, too, that when that person leaves you all alone, you feel so small, so small and alone that you can't find anyone there with you."

"Kris..." Tamka whispered, not really knowing what to say.

"I don't think I want to feel that again." Kris hummed, a genuinely sad smile on her face. She frowned when she caught Tamka clench her teeth and shudder from the cold. "You were cold," her frown deepened, "here, really, take your shirt back." When she said this, Tamka hissed and pinned her down with a heated glare, which she couldn't help but surrender to, "or not." But then she broke into a huge grin and leaned close to Tamka, tugging at the jacket, "wear it."

It was Tamka's turn to look at Kris with wide eyes, "are you serious?"

Kris nodded, "Yup." She took the jacket, held it out and waited for Tamka to slip her arms in the sleeves. The redhead was clearly hesitant, but with Kris' encouragement, she slid each arm into the respective sleeves and hugged herself, delighted at being warm again. "There you go," Kris chimed, looking over Tamka, amused at how disproportion of the jacket to Tamka's size, as she was with herself and Tamka's shirt, "you look cute in that."

Tamka flushed deeply, but was still able to make herself look imposing and threatening, "don't you start with me." Kris laughed at her, which she growled at. At least I'm warm and cozy now, she thought to herself, sniffing curiously at jacket. She sniffed at the jacket curiously and turned a tad redder, my scent's mixing with hers. I wonder if she'd notice... would she mind?

"It'll be morning soon," Kris said with a yawn.

Seeing Kris yawn wrangled one from Tamka. "What say we go back and get what little sleep we could?"

Kris nodded in agreement. "Let's."

"You didn't have to walk me back, Kris."

"It was the last I could do," Kris assured, smiling, "besides, I wanted to make sure you wouldn't get raped when you got back." She laughed, more so because of Tamka's reaction than her own quip. "Well, I'm off." she declared, taking Tamka's shirt from her shoulders. "Thank you again, Tamka. I really appreciate." She held the shirt to her chest for a moment, before she gave it back to Tamka.

"We'll call it even." Tamka said, slowly slipping out of Kris' jacket. She looked at Kris first, concerned, but nonetheless, she returned the jacket and took her shirt back. She was quick to wear it and button it up, and by the time Kris hugged the jacket, Tamka was already slipping on her red tie, only she didn't knot it because she was off to bed, anyway. "Kris?"

Kris titled her head to the side and blinked, "Hm?"

Tamka already turned her back on Kris, as though she didn't want Kris to see her face, "... 'night."

Kris smiled back, and stayed even as Tamka turned her back and entered one of the rooms. "Goodnight, Tamka. Sweet dreams." She closed the door gently beside her, and paused for a moment, her eyes on the jacket. And so, with a smile, Kris wore her jacket and went on her way.